Pastors’ Wives: Show Your Church You Love Them

My early days of being a pastor’s wife were always easy. I sometimes saw the church as an enemy—the job takes him away from me, our kids, and our home. All plans were tentative, depending on what needs arise in the congregation.

Once I stopped seeing myself in a battle for his attention, I could partner with my husband in ministry. Like the example set by Priscilla and Aquila, we could work together to disciple and minister others.

I wanted our church members to know how much I loved and appreciated them, so I came up with a list to work toward. I certainly don’t do them all perfectly, and now that we’re serving at our fourth church, I can say some of these were easier at some places than others. But when I read back over the list, it’s a good reminder to live out 1 Cor. 15:58, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

Pastors' Wives: Show Your Church You Love Them -

Here are 30 practical ways pastors’ wives can show their churches some love:

1. Pray for members specifically and often.
2. Smile.
3. Serve the church with your gifts and talents.
4. Be a willing hostess.
5. Show and tell your children’s Sunday school teachers and youth leaders how much you appreciate them.
6. Don’t always be the last one to pick up your kids from their classes or child care.
7. Don’t take the best parking spot.
8. Don’t expect youth to baby-sit for free.
9. Write cards, letters, and/or emails to members.
10. Keep confidential matters confidential.
11. You can’t do all things for all people, but be careful not to just do some things for some people.
12. Do not participate in gossip.
13. Respect your husband as the head of your family and the leader of your church.
14. Get to know other ministry wives in your area to learn from.
15. Be real about your life, family, and weaknesses.
16. Keep an eye to the social media accounts of your church members so you can encourage them if you see they are going through a hard time.
17. Give generously of your time, money, and possessions.
18. Be visible and approachable around church.
19. Realize that some of the pressure you put on yourself is just that—self-inflicted, and not from the church.
20. Take time to feed yourself spiritually—grow in the spiritual disciplines of prayer, bible study, and worship.
21. Don’t take a job or position just because if you don’t no one else will, allow others to step up and use their gifts.
22. Get to know women in different life stages from your own and learn from them.
23. Be willing to accompany your husband on visits and in meetings if he needs you to.
24. Know your weakness and try to strengthen them. For example, read a book on counseling (like Women Helping Women by Fitzpatrick and Cornish) or hospitality.
25. Make your husband a better preacher by giving constructive suggestions at the appropriate time.
26. Keep yourself healthy.
27. Forgive and forget.
28. Keep frozen cookie dough in the freezer to bake when someone stops by the house.
29. Stay in the loop on issues that impact the city where you live and serve.
30. Serve more than you expect to be served.

10 thoughts on “Pastors’ Wives: Show Your Church You Love Them

  1. This is a great list, and I found several on here that I wouldn’t have thought of. I especially like #24 and think it could apply to our pastor husband’s as well. I also like #25. I love when my husband reads over his sermon or bible study lessons with me and asks for input. It helps me to feel like part of the team, and I know he appreciates feedback as well. Thanks for sharing this! 🙂

  2. Great list! I am a pastor’s wife and also a director in a children’s mission organization. I and enjoyed stopping by your site. Many blessings.

  3. Thankyou for your list. It is really good. I am just realizing that there is so much info out there for women married to pastors. 🙂

  4. Thank you for the list we have just taken over a church My husband as Senior Pastor,
    Some of the folk treat me in a different way than the two years when he was just one of the pastors. I am finding it difficult to cope with the quite nasty comments to me which are quite disrespectful, I spend a lot of my time forgiving people and confessing to God.
    We had a Church many years ago and none of this occurred there. I keep asking myself what am I doing wrong. Sorry to vent my feelings, but other pastors wives must have been through this. We are not young people and have been Christians for many years.
    Thanks for listening to me.

    • I realize that this message was from a year ago but I pray you have found strength to endure. Being a Pastors wife is not at all easy. I was a Pastors daughter my whole life and never really understood what my parents went through until My husband and I became Pastors ourselves. It’s been difficult to say the least but God has proven his faithfulness over and over again. I try to keep my focus on Christ. Not on the expectations of others, or my own. We Pastors wives can be hard on ourselves trying so hard to be accepted we put on many hats and try to cover all bases. We end up wearing ourselves out and neglecting that which was entrusted to us in the first place, our husband and children. We are meant to support our husband and be his prayer partner and cheerleader. I do not like long list of what is expected of a Pastors wife, that just puts more pressure on an already challenging situation. A wise woman said,” Just love God, love your husband, love your children and love people.” In that order. Be your own person. God knows you inside and out and placed you where you are because those people need your exact brand of beautiful.

  5. I was wondering if you could explain this or give an example?:
    “11. You can’t do all things for all people, but be careful not to just do some things for some people“
    Thank you!

    • I think this spoke to me the most! I have unfortunately been one of those wives at times. It’s easy to do good for, walk up and speak to, and navigate to the women who openly accept me and speak to me first. Those who go out of their way to stop by my house, invite me to theirs, or ask me weekly how I am doing. After reading this it my mission to make it a point to speak to those who aren’t usually the first to address me… to smile and wave at those who normally sit quietly… and to show attention to ALL not just a few.

  6. I love this! As a Pastor’s wife of 20+ years, I appreciate your wisdom!

  7. This has been a great resource. You have blessed my life.

  8. You cannot help everybody but do not choose to help just people who please you as other will not feel good about you.

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